Friday, February 15, 2013

Make the money, don't let the money make you.

My mind has been at war with itself the past few days.  Well, not really war... but I've been reflecting quite a bit... trying to see things - my life - from a different perspective... under a different light.

I used to be a creative being.  I wrote music, poetry, drew, painted, sculpted - I was an artist.  In my heyday I played 8 different instruments proficiently.  One year I decided I was a film producer.  I filmed about a dozen shorts and wrote four feature length screen plays.  This was the same year I started blogging.  Not just silly memes and feel-good themes, but hard-core every-day blood and sweat blogging.  Real stuff.

Then one day it stopped. 

I want it back.

I was listening to some hip-hop on the way to work this morning and a lyric really stuck with me.  "Make the money, don't let the money make you".  I'm not impressed with who I've become in my career.  I look in the mirror and the real me is so, so distant behind my eyes.  I can barely recognize myself - I certainly don't like who it is I see on the surface.

The good news is, I'm realizing this now... before I get any more gnarled and twisted and corrupted by the system I'm not only participating in, but perpetuating.  This job started as a way to pay the bills.  I'm seeing now that the costs of this job will always be greater than it's potential to reciprocate. 

I need to start living differently.

I need to start living, full stop.

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